Most of us, at one point or another, will compare our marriage to someone else’s whether this is someone we know in real life, a relationship we see from afar, or even a fictional one.
And that can sometimes create a sense of unhappiness. So here are two things to bear in mind if you find yourself doing this.
1) Remember that relationships are hard work. Really.
Disney, Rom-coms, TV and hyper-edited social media have led many of us to believe something along the lines of “when you’re with The One it’s easy.”
And I completely disagree.
Long-term, committed, romantic relationship is often hard.
And that’s perfectly normal and natural. After all, you get two people together with all their triggers, wounds, quirks, preferences and neuroses and then you expect them to manage a house and build a life together through sickness, financial stressors, changing bodies, changing libidos, in-laws, kids, commutes and more – how could this possibly always be easy even if you are with “The One” (a belief I also don’t subscribe to.)?!
The bottom line is that, in my professional and personal opinion, relationships are often hard work.
And most of us tend to forget this when we see the good stuff others post on social media about their own marriages but remember…
2. What people show on social media is a highlight reel. Period.
What most of us feel safe or comfortable enough to post on social media effectively ends up being a highlight reel of the good moments of our marriages and relationships – that sunny vacation in Jamaica, the steak dinner he made you, the 5-year anniversary with my best friend post – you get the idea.
What doesn’t make it onto social media are the probably fights about leaving dishes undone in the sink, or the tears at midnight wondering why having a fulfilling sex life takes so much work, or the thoughts that maybe you should have chosen someone else.
We keep these things private but most of us go through this.
So remember, what you see on social media is a highlight reel, you’re not seeing the complex, full reality of your friends’ marriages.